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Bootlace Johnnie and the 99s
Lyrics
The Reviews
An ex-Curator's Story

 


 

Bootlace Johnnie and the Ninety Nines

LYRICS

Christmas the Way I Like it

From Frankfurt's beer kellers, to stoned beatnik cellars
From sharply dressed fellas, to difficult bank tellers
Blown out umbrellas, wind hit and gone
There ain't nothing like your red shoes on
Baby keep your red shoes on, Honey keep your red shoes on
You can stand there naked as the day you were born
But darlin' keep them red shoes on
I know I got priors, for kicking out fires
Hanging in shires, of acid tongue liars
Bare-assed friars, carrying spare tyres
But that Pontiac talk, it ain't nothing like your red shoes
From London's cab drivers, to daisy chained skivers
From landlocked survivors, to tough muffin divers
Taking tenners and fivers, wind hit and gone
There ain't nothing like your red shoes on
Baby keep your red shoes on, Honey keep your red shoes on
You can stand there bucko as the day you were born
But darlin' keep them red shoes on
Baby keep them red shoes on
Say Betty keep them red shoes on
This Christmas is gonna be the way I like it.

Bootlace Johnnie

Now Bootlace Johnnie had a rock in his head
The day he fell out of bed and got strumming on his geetar
And came up with a song that only had one chord
But it appealed to the board of the Jerkwater Record Co.
And three months later Johnnie had a U.K. rating
He had a New York coming and Los Angeles, hyper-ventilating
He'd done pretty good for a West London boy
Who'd had it stamped on his forehead just one of God's factory fodder
And hey, I'm over that now I'm over that hoedown wall
That you all built out of envy across that river of sand
That you left me to drown in, yer, I'm over that, over that,
Over that, I'm over that now

So Bootlace Johnnie would pour out his heart
That's what set him apart from the rest of the circus
His simple solitary gift that the half-talented crave
Caused them to rave, 'How come someone like you could possess that spirit?'
And Johnnie dug deep but he found no answer
And they took that as a slap to their very existence
He'd done pretty good for a west London boy
Who'd had it stamped on his forehead, never gonna amount to nothing

And hey,........(repeat chorus)

So it's a long long way from the Goldhawk Road
Carrying the Highway Toad to the Malibu City limits
And Johnnie hoofed it with a smile, eating every mile
While humouring the sharks that fed just below him
But the truth and the light he'd found in the Hammersmith Lane
Fell to hatfuls of rain, he drew his last breath, catching
He'd done pretty good for a West London boy
Who'd had it stamped on his forehead
Just one of Her Majesty's lesser persons
And hey,........(repeat chorus to end)


The Ice Lizard Hometown Fair

There ain't one stone that came up qualified unturned
There ain't a bridge I crossed and left unburned
There ain't a flower that could claim survival
Every bouquet I sent came up dead on arrival
Ah, but I'm over that now, I tried on the good Lord's shoes
And I'm over that now
I hung on through December and I hung on through March
I really cannot remember any further hanging on my part
Vinnie went back down to Needles, Benny took a cab to who knows where
Leaving me taking the old two-twenty
Trembling like the goldfish at the Ice Lizard Hometown Fair


There ain't one road I didn’t leave the broken behind
There ain't one kind word when I did not lie blind
There ain't one train standing dead in life's station
I got every engineer loaded and jammed the hammer for damnation
But I'm over that now, I tried on the Devil's shoes
And I tell yer I'm over that now
I hung on through December and I hung on through March
I really could not remember any further hanging on my part
Jackie flew on up to Cheyenne, Jimmy's doing Surrey in his underwear
Leaving me looking down a thirty-ought six
Nervous as the guineas at the Ice Lizard Hometown Fair

Riverstones

'Summer’s closing in', said the Babe of Hearts to the King of Hermosa
'It's shuffling back to Buffalo', she cried as they both cracked up
And gave me a charge
Tabasco Charlie he got a few dates open at the end of September
He say, 'Get on the ham and bone next week and we'll put 'em to sleep
In a bucket of concrete'.
Cool down, I'm only lonesome Jackson
Cool down, lay lay lay lay
Come and run me later, Mister Torque Operator
When I've got some freeze in my radiator
And smooth out my bones like them riverstones
'Autumn's in my hips', said the Count of Juke
To the Duke of South Redondo
'They're making for the Sea of Cortez', he moaned
As they passed the Monte Cristo and cut me a half glance
And Frank's Cantina run a little meaner
Their band booking policy cut somewhat leaner
Say we ain't being starchy but here's the deal Archie
You’re gonna need a Masters' in Mariachi
Cool down, I'm only lonesome Jackson
Cool down, lay lay lay lay
Come and park me later Chemo Carbon Data
When I've fed some fruit to my alligator
And lay out my bones like them riverstones
ooooooh, .......................…
ooooooh,........................…
Funny, funny now, anyway you got 'em
I'm always dealing from the river bottom
ooooooh,........................... riverstones.

Traitor's Gate

Everybody was running slow, everybody was running late
I calculated the flow against the volume and the weight
I thought I caught the blackened eye of reason sprinkling treason's plate
But all the tongues had been torn from the piked heads above Traitor's Gate

And we've all met before and we'll all meet again
Though I just can't recall the flesh and bones of where or when
Yes, we've all met before and we'll all meet again
Marching into the fore, rebel boys and rebel men.

Wastelanders

Somehow we made it alive out of Madrid Central
Up through Zaragosa to the badlands of Isabella
In a Volkswagen bus that had seen better days
Back in seventy-two, somewhat a wastelander crew
We were mainly duffs and street corner toughs
Who weren't afraid of resorting to headbutts and fisticuffs
In our continuing efforts to stay one long jump
Ahead of the law, that's a wastelander’s score
And ooooooh....…
Tell 'em the wastelanders came
Yer, tell 'em the wastelanders came
Tell 'em that they've came and gone

We cut on through Toulouse one short,
Lost to some undiagnosed disease
Yer, we buried Oggy back in the Pyrenees
In a shallow grave where his ramblings
Would be at ease, flying on a wastelander’s breeze
And in Vichy we sang and danced, yer, we picked their pockets clean
Tanked up on red wine and Valvoline
Next thing we knew Paris lit up like sapphires
In our windscreen, on a wastelander’s dream
And oooooo.....…
Tell 'em the wastelanders came
Yer, tell 'em the wastelanders came
Tell 'em that they've came and gone

And at Dover they stripped us clean, cold Customs’ boys
With dogs in hand, said they were on the lookout for contraband
We told 'em we'd smoked it all back on the Calais sand,
It was a wastelander’s brand
And navigating London at three A.M. for some winter dawn
We all knew we had to get in from the storm
Going west on the Cromwell Road
Struggling to stay warm, true to wastelander form

And ooooooh.....…
Tell 'em the wastelanders came
Yer, tell 'em the wastelanders came
Tell 'em that they've came and gone.

Nightingales

I heard the Nightingales were straightening the picture rails
When your well worn sails came a-breezing by
As luck would sometimes have itI was elsewhere chasing some other exhaustive errand
And so the Nightingales while painting their fingernails
Observed your plague of hard luck tales, go a-moving on
If I was a younger man and still half the fool
I may very well have jumped...............right back in.

The Washing of the Spears

Our galleys found the shores of the foe we knew as Sparta
And with hearts of blackened thunder, we waded the warm blue water
They held their causeways with valour until our numbers overcame them
And our flags flew on to Mars' Lair for the washing of the spears
And I was long gone then and I'll be long gone forever

Over river and mountain I am gone my love even though we're resting here
And we followed the blood red cross with death our fond companion
Through lands that we left barren for the foreign tongue was spoken
We slew every living thing upon seven holy hills
And rode on to Saracens’ Well that day for the washing of the spears
And I was long gone then and I'll be long gone forever

Across hillock and dale I am gone my love even though I’m no the wiser
And I'll be gone, always gone and I'll be always gone forever
Upon spurs that wing me on my love to wherever warring men, do gather,
Strange I'm gone.

Cruel Masseur

Well, there's four million bands within the city limits
And they're all trying to play the Alligator Lounge
And Debbie's on the phone there, sounding weary as your mother
Saying, 'Call me back next Tuesday, I may have something for yer,
And I ain't giving you the run around but we're trying to book alternative"
Then she forgets who she's talking to, another child's voice is calling
And I know just how she'd feel if we met my eyes would have her
While a beautiful white lady is singing, 'Who knows where the time goes?'
And I look down at my watch, it tells me quarter up to fifty
And I thought it was a long road from Brentford into Avalon
Standing at the dockside, still in dirty Levi’s
Finally figuring it's the same sun that shone down on the gasworks
Listening to my bones crack knowing I had muscles
Every mirror telling tales of adventures I'd forgotten
Thinking getting through life, it ain't nothing, nothing but a cruel masseur

And there's forty million songs within the city limits
And everyone's a treasure to all the souls that wrote 'em
And it takes a lot of living and it takes a lot of dying
To see over that horizon, I never could do that
And Tom Cribb's in England, I told him I would be there
To take a last walk through the Forty Acre Tunnel
He lost his only daughter to the wind of constant sorrow
I cried out inside as we drove past the refinery
And it's been a rainy Sunday but the messages keep coming
I turn 'em into songs that people say will get me nowhere
And take a hike to Nashville they got the cherries on the pie there
Just look what they've done to simple country music
Listening to your bones crack, knowing you had muscles
Every mirror telling tales of adventures you'd forgotten
Thinking how a good life, it ain't nothing, nothing but a cruel Masseur

Tender Guillotine

We were the cocks of the north, we were the jacks of the south
We were beaten in the east and feared in the west and were gone,
Like we never had been. We were a band on the rum
Chasing Tender Guillotine

Two leather-headed motor boys who masqueraded as our management
Snapped up all our copyrights and the petty cash we left laying and were gone,
Like they never had been. They were outnumbered dearly
By the Tender Guillotine

So we rocked like the old timers from Hanover to Helsinki
While pink fairied hippies tried to suck up our persona and were gone,
Like they never had been. Looking comically violent
Towing Tender Guillotine

Just outside the Port of London the band wagon took a powder
Someone cried out "injectors", but we all knew it was the end and were gone,
Like we never had been. Going five different ways, boys
With our Tender Guillotine

And that fifty-eight Minor we revved up on the stage
Has run a damn sight longer than their mouths could ever stretch to and be gone,
Like the sweat off our brow we kicked their arseholes then
And we'll kick their arseholes now.

Bootlace Johnnie and the Ninety-Nines

To hell with Shakespeare and to hell with Caesar
We memorised what we could and threw the rest back in the freezer
They hardly came in useful repairing some wayward geyser in our later years
And they told us, mathematics will cure what ail yer
And learning some foreign language will more than likely bail yer
And who wanted to be an eleven year old failure
Well we did, we were born that way
Say boys, it's a Saturday night
Let's climb on up through the Hippodrome skylight
I got a quart and my old man's Woodbines
We can watch, Bootlace Johnnie and the Ninety, Ninety-Nines...…

Now Bootlace got it creeping set a maximum tone
Beehive hairdos lacquered to stone
The whole damn ballroom would be jumping like Jehovah
Yer, Bootlace had them Teddy Boys shaking all over
Well, God come and take me for I've seen it all
Lower your boom and take up that ball
The Ninety-Nines shook it out to Rock's early border
While Bootlace goes and throws a nervous disorder
Yer, Bootlace Johnnie and the Ninety-Nines
Bootlace Johnnie and the Ninety-Nines
Bootlace Johnnie and the Ninety, Ninety-Nines

And so eleven years run into twenty
Twenty run to thirty and thirty run to forty
And after forty I hear you’re a dinosaur fright
But I still use old Johnnie for that guiding light
And the skylight boys are mainly in incarceration
None of us ever thought to stop at any station
And so we leave a few pointers for some future generation
Saying, 'That's how we were, we were born that way'
Hey boys, it's a Saturday night
Let's climb on up through the Hippodrome skylight
I got a quart of brown and my old man's Woodbines
We can watch, Bootlace Johnnie and the Ninety, Ninety-Nines....…
Bootlace Johnnie, Boot, Boot, Bootlace
Bootlace Johnnie, Boot, Bootlace
Bootlace Johnnie.............................…

Down Pentonville Way

Now one thing my old man, had under stood
You could trace our roots, back to Robin Hood
He'd say son, remember, the pickings are good
When the privileged classes, walk like wood
Your from a long line,
Your from a long line

And Uncle Bill was always, my number one
When he took me along, to do a bank run
He'd stick his hand in his pocket and tell the teller he had a gun
Oh man, that's how the two fingered, bank withdrawal was done
We're from a long line,
We're from a long line,
We're from a long line,
Down Pentonville Way

Well if it chained up and if it nailed down
And if it ain't fenced in
It'll be gone faster than Dick Turpin's skin
Down Pentonville Way,
Down Pentonville Way,
Down Pentonville Way,
We form a long line

Now every man jack, worth his thieving measure
Can rest assured of doing, some untimely leisure
Knocking shoulders with the cream of criminal treasure
Serving up the porridge, at her Majesty's pleasure
I'm from a long line,
I'm from a long line,
I'm from a long line,
Down Pentonville Way

Well if it ain't chained up and if it ain't nailed down
And if it ain't fenced in
It'll be gone faster than Nancy Fagan's gin
Down Pentonville Way,
Down Pentonville Way,
Down Pentonville Way,
We form a long line

Down Pentonville Way,
Down Pentonville Way,
Down Pentonville Way,
We form a long line,
We form a long line,
We form a long line.......Down Pentonville Way

My Assassin

My assassin wear the silk dress, yes the last known flesh address
Was in the heart of Flemish Belgium

My assassin drive a Dodge Dart, study concentric forms of cave art
And the ancient idling engines of the past

My assassin speak the old tongue with only one lung
That I hear mentions some regret

My assassin know the old time, with one shiny lone dime
Could place a call to Chloride, Arizona

Where I’ll stand briefly in the open, facing East towards the mighty Shrooms Grave
That’s how the wild bush burn in Chloride, Arizona

Take your shot there, take your cut there
Bring a quart of Mann’s Brown ‘cause I’ve known to take a drink
Where the Wild Witch knocked her teeth out

Come and get me, come and get me I’m all yours
Come and get me, I m yours for the taking

Well come get me, come and get me I’m all yours
Come and get me, I’m yours for the taking